how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
