Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
