windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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