I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Randomize
