similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
