well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
