haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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