It's Friday. Sex?
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
