he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
