i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
