I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
