Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
