Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
