oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
