So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
