I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
