Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Randomize
