I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I want to make a zoo with you.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
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