I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Say something about gay babies.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
