You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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