I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
