do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Randomize
