I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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