i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
