I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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