Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
