the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
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