Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
