I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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