I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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