Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
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