So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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