apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Randomize
