Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
stop calling my apartment porn island.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
