I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
