I think I won the penis lottery.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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