I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
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