he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
