Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
you had me at cake vodka
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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