I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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