I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Randomize
