It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
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