drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
