Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Randomize
