Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
