I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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