Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
