Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
