you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
