I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
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