Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
