I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
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